How to Be There for Someone Struggling with Suicidal Thoughts

Watching someone you love struggle with their mental health is like standing in the rain without an umbrella; you’re soaking in worry, helpless, and just wish you could make it stop. And when they hint at giving up, it feels like the storm just got heavier. It can be an overwhelming and confusing situation, but never brush these conversations or remarks off as a passing thought. Always take them seriously! 

Supporting someone with depression and suicidal thoughts often feels like walking a tightrope blindfolded. You don’t want to push too hard, but you can’t pretend that everything’s fine either. You need to find the right balance. But the good news is, you don’t have to be Shah Rukh Khan from Dear Zindagi. No therapy couch, no perfect wisdom, no psychology degree required. All you need to do is just show up and listen to their story. Let them know that they’re not alone. 

No one should have to fight their battles alone. So here’s how you can help someone in emotional distress.

Recognising the red flags of suicidal thoughts

Every year, over 720,000 lives are lost to suicide, with India accounting for almost 28% of these tragedies. A grim reality. However, these shocking numbers can be reduced if we identify the signs of suicidal thoughts and do something about them. Though these signs can look different for everyone, there are certain behavioural patterns (as mentioned below) that shouldn’t be ignored. 

1. Starts talking about feeling like a burden on others. 

2. Shuts themselves off from social interactions. 

3. Begins talking about hopelessness. 

4. Suddenly gives away personal items or makes plans for “if something happens”. 

5. Shows extreme mood swings. 

6. Engages in risky or reckless behaviour. 

• Common emotional and behavioural signs

When helping a suicidal person, one of the first signs to take seriously is a drastic shift in behaviour. Individuals contemplating suicide might withdraw from activities that once made them happy, and may seem hopeless. If they’re talking more about death, whether casually or seriously, it should be taken seriously. Sudden mood swings or extreme anxiety could also be signs that they are struggling with suicidal thoughts. 

• Physical and verbal indicators

Neglecting self-care and feeling tired constantly are major visible signs of suicidal thoughts in an individual. Constant use of phrases like "I'm a burden" or "Everyone would be better off without me" is a serious indicator of suicidal tendencies. Additionally, other physical signs of suicidal thoughts may include sudden weight loss, lack of energy, withdrawal from loved ones, taking unnecessary risks, and increased use of alcohol or drugs. 

How to support someone experiencing suicidal thoughts

Watching a loved one endure emotional struggles is hard, but here are ways you can help them deal with suicidal thoughts.

• 1. Listen without judgment

Sometimes, the best thing you can do is simply listen. When someone’s in emotional pain, they need to feel heard, not judged. Let them share at their own pace, and resist jumping to solutions or trying to “fix” them. Just being there, creating a safe space for them to open up and validating their feelings is the best way to help someone in emotional distress.

• 2. Ask directly about suicidal thoughts

This might feel intimidating, but asking this question directly can make all the difference. If you suspect your loved one is thinking about suicide, ask them straight up. While it’s a difficult conversation, it can be a relief for them to know someone cares enough to ask. This approach can help identify signs of suicidal thoughts and create space for an honest, supportive dialogue.

• 3. Encourage professional help

Seeing a loved one suffer emotionally is heartbreaking, but expecting ourselves to have all the answers or solve all their problems isn’t realistic or helpful. While we can listen and show empathy, we cannot provide the expertise that a therapist can. The best solution at this time is to gently encourage them to seek professional help. Offer to assist with making an appointment, accompany them, or help find suicide helplines and other resources.

• 4. Offer practical and emotional support

Supporting someone with depression and suicidal thoughts often means doing things that may seem small, but they often make a big impact. Whether it’s helping with daily tasks, going for a walk, or simply sitting together in silence, your presence alone can provide comfort. The most important thing is to remind them, consistently and with care, that they are not alone and that you’re there for them through every step of their journey.

• 5. Remove immediate dangers

It’s crucial to recognise that when an individual shows signs of suicidal thoughts, they may be at risk of harming themselves. To ensure their safety, remove any objects that could be used for self-harm, such as sharp items, medications, or other dangerous objects. If necessary, reach out for mental health crisis support or contact emergency assistance immediately.

What to steer clear of 

When supporting someone with depression and suicidal thoughts, it’s just as important to know what NOT to say. Certain phrases can inadvertently make the person feel worse or misunderstood. Here are a few things you must avoid doing:

• Don’t downplay their feelings: Saying things like “You’re just being dramatic” or “Your life isn’t that bad” can make them feel misunderstood and make their condition more complicated. 

• Never compare: Avoid saying things such as, “Think of how much worse it could be.”

• Don’t rush them: Telling them to “snap out of it” or “just think positive” is insensitive and unrealistic.

• Avoid leaving them alone: Stay with them if you suspect they are in immediate danger, as they may harm themselves.

• Don’t make it about you: Refrain from making comments that focus on how their struggles make you feel. Do not cut them off in between to put forth your point or narrate your story.

Where to find help: Suicide prevention resources

One of the most popular suicide helplines in India, iCall, offers confidential support and guidance in multiple languages, including English, Hindi, Marathi, Gujarati, Bengali, Assamese, Punjabi, and Malayalam. Their trained counsellors are available Monday to Saturday, from 10 AM to 8 PM, providing a safe space to talk.

You can also reach out to:

• KIRAN – Government of India’s mental health rehabilitation helpline: 1800-599-0019

• Vandrevala Foundation – A trusted mental health support service: 9999-666-555

Lighting the way: Supporting loved ones in dark times

When someone you care about is struggling, not knowing how to support them through suicidal thoughts can feel overwhelming. However, your care and presence matter more than you realise. Whether it’s as simple as having a conversation or just being there, you can help them take that first step toward healing. If you don’t understand what to say to someone who is suicidal, simply remind them that they’re not alone, and even on their darkest days, there is always a glimmer of hope. It’s okay for you not to have all the solutions because sometimes, simply showing up and showing you care is enough to make a difference.

Frequently Asked Questions

1. Is it helpful to ask someone about their suicidal thoughts?

Yes, asking someone about their suicidal thoughts can help open up communication and show them that you care. It can also reduce the isolation they may feel, and it is one of the easiest ways to help a suicidal person.

2. How can I help someone who is reluctant to seek professional help?

Gently encourage them to talk to a therapist or counsellor, or be a part of a suicide prevention support program. Offer to assist them in finding resources or accompany them to appointments.

3. How can I encourage someone with suicidal thoughts to open up?

Wondering what to say to someone who is suicidal? Simply create a safe, non-judgmental space for conversation. Let them know it’s okay to talk about their feelings and reassure them that you are there to listen and support them.

4. What should I say to someone with suicidal thoughts?

Try to express your concern and empathy. Let them know you care about them and that they are not alone. Avoid offering quick fixes and instead, offer a listening ear and try to be emotionally available for them. 

 Click here for medical advice disclaimer