A Heads-Up on Giving Head: Your Guide to Safe Oral Sex

Simply put, oral sex is the act of stimulating your partner's genitals with your lips, tongue, and mouth. Sometimes part of foreplay and sometimes as a complete sexual experience in itself, oral sex is not something unusual or unheard of. If we look at the Kamasutra, considered the original love manual, oral sex has been performed and practised in multiple forms and positions since 400 BCE. It also finds a place in Hebrew and Greek manuals. For a sexual act that is relatively common and has been around for so long, it is still surrounded by myths and misconceptions.

Let's start with the basics. Contrary to popular belief, oral sex can be performed between different genders, can be penetrative, and is as real as any other sexual experience. Confused? Here are the medical terms with clear definitions of the key categories of oral sex. 

Popularly known as a blow job, this involves stimulating the receiver’s penis with the mouth using licking and sucking techniques. Contrary to the name, there’s no blowing action during fellatio.

This is when oral sex is performed on the vulva or the vagina, which is considered one of the most sensitive erogenous zones in the female body. The provider can use their tongue, lips, and mouth or all, depending on the needs and consent of the parties involved.

The act of stimulating the partner's anus orally is technically called anilingus, but the more popular name for this type of oral sex is ‘rimming’. It involves licking, kissing, and sucking the anus and the area around it for a satisfying sexual experience.

There are also other far more common terms for the deed that you might already be familiar with, such as going down, giving head, 69, etc. But keep one thing in mind – oral sex, like any other sexual activity, has to happen with the consent of those involved. Dr Anuradha Khemka, MBBS MD obstetrics and gynaecology, reiterates, “Open communication and respect from both partners are essential for pleasant sexual experiences.”

Dr Khemka shares, “Oral sex can cause a number of infections in women like herpes simplex, HPV infection, chlamydia, and so on.” This makes it essential to understand the risks of oral sex to ensure your and your partner's safety and well-being.

Oral sex is not the first choice for many, making it imperative to discuss how you both feel about it. Remember that an intimate experience can be pleasurable only when you and your partner feel safe and comfortable. So, discuss how comfortable you are and how far you are willing to go. Starting slowly with gentle kissing or licking the genitals before full-on tongue penetration or using the throat will help them ease into the idea of oral sex.

Although oral sex does not result in pregnancy, it can cause STIs and other infections. The most common STIs include:

• Herpes
• Hepatitis
• HPV
• Chlamydia
• Gonorrhoea
• Syphilis
• HIV

The most common STI symptoms include:

• Blisters or sores in and around the mouth or the genitals
• Unusual discharge from the genitals
• Rashes around the genital area
• Sore throat
• Pain while passing urine
• Lumps, warts, or unusual skin growth in the genital region
• Unusual vaginal bleeding between periods
• Pain during or after sex
• Pain in the lower abdomen

If you notice any of these, see a doctor immediately. If left untreated, “STDs and STIs can cause women to have pelvic inflammatory disease, which can lead to chronic pain in the pelvis,” says Dr Khemka.

Other common infections include urinary tract infections (UTIs) and yeast infections, both of which can be transmitted during oral sex. Dr Khemka adds, “Oral sex should be avoided during outbreaks of infection. Additionally, it is advisable to limit it to a single partner to minimise the spread of STIs.”

Unless you and your partner have been screened and cleared for STIs, use condoms and dental dams to protect yourself. If you have multiple partners or participated in oral sex with someone new, it’s best to get yourself tested. Remember, most STIs are curable if caught in time.

After covering the potential risks and discussing the ways to counter them, let’s talk about some oral sex tips for a happy experience.

Every vulva, anus, and penis looks, feels, and tastes different. When you decide to go down on someone or let someone use their mouth on you, don't overthink how it looks as long as you feel good and comfortable. However, taking a shower before oral exploration and maintaining good hygiene is always a good idea.

While it might sound odd, asking for or giving feedback about pressure, speed, and pleasure points is not as weird as you think. Remember, it takes two to make it fun and pleasurable. Just make sure you don't turn it into a mid-year appraisal session!

Sometimes, spicing things up with the use of sex toys and fingers during oral sex can help with lubrication, thus increasing the sense of pleasure. Don’t hesitate to express your desires while being mindful of your partner’s needs to make it an enjoyable and sexually satisfying experience for both.

There is no one way to answer what is oral sex. But there are multiple ways to keep it safe and satisfying. In the end, it’s up to you and your partner to figure out which oral sex positions and oral sex techniques work best for you. Stay safe and explore.