Swipes and Gripes: How to cope with Modern Dating

“Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind, and therefore is winged Cupid painted blind,” said William Shakespeare in his romantic comedy A Midsummer Night’s Dream. If the Bard of Love could peek into today’s modern dating culture, he’d likely be mortified or perhaps pleasantly surprised. The once-blind Cupid has been replaced by a multitude of apps, and the feeling of love is often tangled with a host of other emotions, leading to various modern dating problems that can create mood swings and confusion.

From the thrill of a match to the frustration of ghosting, today's version of Cupid navigates algorithms and swipe-right culture.  And while we’d like to hope that the essence of love is still the same, its experience has dramatically changed. If Shakespeare were to witness these shifts, his romantic musings might take on a whole new twist!

Modern dating is no longer about “we met through a friend” or “we met in college," but a whole lot of "we swiped right,” “I was ghosted," and “It wasn’t serious, just a situationship.”  With all these new terms and ever-changing dynamics, it’s hard to keep up and cope with the emotional rollercoaster of modern dating challenges.

A 2023 study by Bumble, a leading dating app, revealed that 21% of Indians reported being consistently ghosted, while 14% experienced ghosting after establishing a relationship. This highlights a troubling trend where many find themselves cut off just as they believe they’ve made a meaningful connection. Overall, as often stated, modern dating sucks (for the most part)!

Before diving into modern dating tips for navigating these challenges, it's important to grasp the intricacies at play. Unlike traditional dating, modern dating includes various terms that describe specific behaviours and experiences.

• Ghosting: Disappearing without contact.
• Situationship: A relationship lacking clear communication about its status.
• Breadcrumbing: Leading on a romantic interest by checking in and suggesting dates without committing to a real relationship.
• Orbiting: Stopping communication with a person while still engaging with them on social media by viewing and liking their posts.
• Love Bombing: Overwhelming someone with excessive affection and attention early in a relationship to gain control or manipulate them later.

Keeping up with the ever-evolving dating lingo can feel like a full-time job. While it helps label frustrating experiences, staying on top of the jargon adds an extra layer of complexity to an already tricky dating landscape. Experiences such as breadcrumbing have been linked to lower life satisfaction and increased feelings of loneliness and helplessness.

In today's fast-paced digital landscape, where swiping can lead to unexpected heartbreak, finding authentic connections in dating often feels like a maze. By understanding ourselves, managing expectations, and focusing on quality over quantity, we can navigate the chaotic world of swipe culture. 

• Self-awareness: It’s important to know yourself and understand your patterns and how societal expectations shape your views. Take time to reflect on your needs, desires, and patterns.
• Connections matter: Real connections take time to build. Face-to-face meetings or video calls provide a better gauge of compatibility than online chatting alone. This is a significant advantage of modern dating over traditional methods. Remember, honest communication helps create meaningful bonds.
• Expectation management: Social media often showcases an idealised version of relationships that doesn't reflect everyday reality. Your expectations should be grounded in who you are rather than based on what you see others experience.

Whether it's ghosting after the first date or before it or understanding the situationship situation, navigating these complexities can help you approach modern blind dating with a clearer perspective. Not every date will become a modern love story, but it’s a great way to understand yourself and explore your preferences. After all, as the Bard said, “the course of true love never did run smooth.”